Nerves

I think that I'm going to have a good long rest this winter after all these Rodeo Finals are over.  I've been so nervous these past few months with all the finals going on that I might have a heart attack.  Sean is 915 behind the guy in First place for the End of the Year Championship.  Last night he didn't place because he was a little bit late and had a long time of 5.6.  He is still sitting 4th in the Average but that doesn't pay but 500 and we need more than 915. 

The money would be really nice too if he'd win the round and place in the average, it would win us around 2000 or more.  I don't know if I can take the pressure.  I sure couldn't if I was in the rodeo.  I'm just glad Sean can handle it.  Let me just try to describe what it's like....

Today the rodeo is at 2:00 pm.  I woke up this morning with my heart fluttering, nervous already. I have such High hopes.  I dreamed about Sean winning the round, and winning the year end and another buckle and saddle.  I can't eat because my stomach is so nervous, but I have to act normal so my nerves don't make Sean nervous.  He's so close to capturing the title, so close to having a big payday.  The suspense is killing me.  I just want these next hour to fly by so we can hurry up and start the Rodeo.  I'm doing anything I can to keep my mind off how close we are to winning, and how close we are to loosing.  So I guess writing about it is not really taking my mind off of it.  It makes me feel better though.

I really just want to go shopping and have Sean just call me and tell me how he did.  I can't stand to watch.  Every time we're in a tight situation like we are in now I get sick when he backs into the box.  I really don't know how he does this.  Actually, I think this adrenaline rush is what is so addicting to him. 

It takes about 30 seconds between the time He starts by backing the horse into the box until the time it's all over.  Those thirty short seconds determine whether my heart drops into my stomach in disappointment or my eyes fill with tear of Joy for my husband and his win.   Those same 30 seconds determine whether we struggle to pay the bills for the next month or whether we've got it covered no problem. 

You'd think I'd be used to this by now...I'm not.  I guess I'm going to have to get used to it, because he wants to rodeo full time starting in January.  He and two other guys have the months of January and February planned full of Pro-Rodeos.  They start in Denver and stay west for a few weeks.

Great.  Why didn't I just marry a guy with a desk job?   Secretly... i wouldn't have it any other way than it is now..keeps me on my toes.

Good Luck Sean, You're a winner either way to me.