Why

Celiac disease watches evey move I make.  He wants me to slip up so he can rear his ugly head.  It's like he thinks it's funny to make me suffer.  Why me?  Why is it so difficult?  At first it wasn't that big of a deal.  It didn't bother me that much.  But Now, almost 10 years later, I can't stand it anymore!  I'm tired.

I want to ask God, why?  Why me?  I want to talk to others that go through the same thing and see if they have the same hatred as I do towards this thing we have to suffer through?  It's really not a big deal.  It's not easy and it's not convienent but so what?  When you're as busy as me, it matters.  When your have zero energy like me convience matters. 

Do you know how much I just want to not worry about it?  It's stressful.  I want to eat a meal and not worry whether it's going to kill my stomach the next day.  I want to be able to throw something, hit someone, cuss someone out!  But who?  myself?  It's my own body that does this to me,  My own stupid decisions.  My own lack of preplanning and lack of responsibility. 

I don't want to be different.  I don't want to have to make a huge deal out of it when people ask why I don't eat cake at birthday parties.  Or when people tease me about reading the lables to everything I eat because they think i'm counting calories.  I don't want to explain why I want the hamburger without the bun, or why I'm eating a ham and cheese "roll up" instead of bread.  I feel like such a hypocondriac everytime the question arises. 

I really don't care what people think,  I just hate having to explain it all.  Right now I feel like I have swallowed a knife that is just cutting into my insides, from my chest all the way down to my intestines.  I feel so bloated that my stomach is going to pop.  My head aches, my engery level is zero, my mind is fuzzy, my stomach is on fire.  I hate this.  I knew it was coming.  I ate brown gravy, not knowing it was brown gravy.  I ate a chicken breast that was covered in brown gravy.  I thought it was something else but why didn't I make sure?  I was hungry. 

About half way through the breast I realized what I was eating and almost threw up.  I can't explain the feeling that came over me becase honestly I don't want to relive it.   Panic.  That's how I'm going to describe it. 

I sat back and waited for it to hit me.  It hit that night in the middle of the night.  The pain.  The nausea.  The stomach trouble.  I'm used to it, but I hate it.  I have no one to blame but myself.  I just wish I didn't feel so alone.  Don't feel sorry for me,  it's my own fault. 

Whew..

Whew... What a LOONG weekend.  Of course, my weekend did start on Thursday Afternoon so I guess it really was a long weekend.  Tunica was a great time, except I didn't win any money...I actually lost a little.  It was still fun though.  No fingers were lost, so that was good.  We got very little sleep and had lots of fun!!  The Texas Hold Em poker table made me lots of money, and the slots took it all back plus some...I hate slot machines. As we were leaving the casino on Saturday a older Lady hit the Jackpot on a $0.01 slot machine and won $970,000!!!!  WOW!  Why didn't I play the cent machines?  Oh yeah, I did and they took all my money.     (why is there not a "cent" sign on a keyboard?) 

I came home to a clean house and no laundry!  I was so happy Sean helped out while I was gone.  He called at one point and asked how two people had so much laundry and that he thought it multiplied when he pulled it out of the dryer.  I told him welcome to my world, and our dryer also eats socks.  

When I got home last night the Chocolate Children were so glad I was home.  I went to bed and watched the "Life" series on the Discovery Channel...Did anyone else catch that?  If not you MUST watch it!! It's amazing.  It's like the Planet Earth series but better...I can't believe how cool nature is.  There were a lot of animals that I had never seen before from Africa that were really wild looking.    I asked Sean,  "I wonder if people from Africa see Racoons and Armadillos (our AR critters) on TV and think, 'How Wild!'"

Last night before I went to bed I noticed four shotgun bullets sitting next to Sean's recliner.  I asked where they came from and Sean just said Oh I found them.  Well I don't know why he didn't go into detail about where he found him until I woke up to feed the dogs this morning.  There was a box of clay skeet on the porch, that was empty... There were shot gun shells laying around....and my yard was COVERED in orange pieces of clay...  Apparently him and his friends wanted to shoot skeet yesterday but it was raining so they SHOT SKEET OFF MY BACK COVERED PORCH.   I'm pretty sure that shooting skeet off your back porch is one of Jeff Foxworthy's redneck jokes...I'm pretty sure. 

I'm not quite sure why this makes me mad...or why I don't think it's a good Idea.  It just seems to me like so many things can go wrong while shooting skeet off a covered back porch.   All my hanging plants were taken down so they wouldn't get shot and I looked to make sure my porch wasn't peppered in pellet holes but it looked like they didn't shoot anything but skeet.   I'm just trying to figure out..if Sean was trying to hide the fact that he shot skeet off the back porch,  He did a sucky job at it.  :)

Offically A redneck,

Thursday

Today I am leaving for Tunica Mississippi.  We are going to a Insurance Agent's convention.  I think it will be a blast!   Last year we went to Hot Springs and went to the Horse Races after the convention.  It's a Young agents convention Or "young at heart" agents convention...  ha!  There are some people that go WILD once they get there.  I will not be one of those people.  I just needed a Vacation.  :) 

Last year one girl got really wild and lost a finger to the Mechanical Bull at a bar... That was fun to hear about the next day!  Ha!  Poor Girl.

So What's been going on at the Circle T?   Nothing.  Not. A. Thing.  Spring is starting to show it's face a little.  The Chocolates are more spoiled than ever.    Sean's Girlfriend got kicked off AI last night.  Lacey Brown...She totally deserverd to stay, I loved her voice.  My finger still hurts.  My MaryKay business is doing great.  I don't have any spare time and I'm camera deprived. 

That's about it.  Boring.  But nice.  I've been in Benton for almost 2 years now and have just recently built a HUGE circle of friends!! It's nice to finally have someone other that your Husband to do things with!  I've missed friends.  Last night I met some friends at a local hangout to watch a band play.  This place has recently built a huge outdoor patio and stage.  It was SO much fun!  I can't wait until this summer when it gets warm enough for them to open the patio up completely!! 
We're still contemplating on another Dog.

These Pocket Beagles are looking good... I think we may acutally get one.  I like the color of the one on the right.  The only problem with the one on the right is that he is already 5 months old and I don't want one that old. 

We've discussed Basset Hounds...But I think they may be too big for inside. 

 

 

 

I like the Weenie Dogs...They are coming in a close second.  I've heard they aren't very loving though...

 

 

The mini bulldog is Sean's Breed of choice...The price tag on these babies are around $2500 for the cheap ones...yeah right.  Sorry Sean. 

Or we can just let bird have puppies and play with them for awhile until they are old enough for a new home!

Let me know what you think !!!

Ok Well Have a great Weekend.  I'm off to Tunica,  I might do a little card playing at the casinos!  Hopefully I won't loose any money!  Or any Fingers!

Question?

I slammed my pointer finger in my car door yesterday...don't ask me how I managed to slam my own finger in my own door but I did it, and it hurt...   I guess I'm just the biggest weenie in the world but I almost passed out, then almost threw up.  I felt that way for like an hour after I smashed my finger until Sean came to the rescue with some leftover painkillers from my Gallbladder surgery.  I'm pretty sure I'll loose my nail and I have a huge blood blister right at the base of my cutical..plus I can't feel my finger from the top nuckle up and it's really swollen.  Do you know how hard it is to type without your left pointer finger?   All the Good letters are used by your left pointer finger like BFGRT & V.

On a totally different Note, Sean and I have been talking about the dogs and how He thinks they don't need to be babied as much as I baby them because I'm ruining his hunting dogs.   He has also said he wants them to start staying outside like regular large hunting dogs are supposed to.  He's right, and I hate to admit that.  These dogs were born and bread to hunt and it's in their nature to be high entergy and not to be lap dogs. 

Sean suggested that maybe I should look into buying a lap dog for me to baby, that way his hunting dogs aren't spoiled and listen to him.  I pondered the thought for a minute but then felt instantly guilty for thinking about getting another dog.  My dogs are already jealous of each other.  Last night I laid down on the floor to watch TV and there was an instant dog fight to see who could get closer to me.  It ended in Birdie laying on my head. 

I really don't want to betray my children but I want a puppy inside that I can love on and sleep with.   

So what do you guys think?  Should I just go without a inside dog,  or introduce the Chocolates to a new sister or brother?     Also, If I do get a lap dog, I want a small dog, that is very LOW maintance, meaning no hair cuts!!  Any suggestions?  I'm leaning towards a Wennie dog or a pocket beagle..

(And if Erin F. reads this,  My dad said to totally not get a dog because You and Zack wish you hadn't...is that true?! ...but of course you know my dad is anti-inside animals and all he could think about getting stuck with another Gretchen!)